I Was Upset Because My Mom Wasn't There

Wednesday, September 28, 2016




Losing my mother at the age of 3 made me feel so lost. Growing up without her I was very rebellious. I've always questioned what would my mom do, what would she say, or how would she react to certain challenges that I've faced! I hate that my mom missed my graduations, proms, the birth of her first grandchild, and other special moments in my life. When I think of my mom it hurts me to the core, knowing that she's not here! I can't call my mom to babysit my son, ask her mommy questions, neither can I visit her in the flesh! Once the passing of my mother came into existence my aunt and grandmother took all 4 of my mother's kids in to keep us together. I can remember back when I was at least 6 or 7 years old, calling my grandmother my mom. My oldest sister would always get upset because, I didn't quite understand that our mother was deceased. My sister always told me our mom was dead she not coming back. I used to cry when I got up to age, to truly understand exactly what death was. The more they explained to me mommy wasn't coming back the more it hurt me. Although we were raised outside our mother's care we were truly loved by our aunt and grandmother. My aunt is my backbone, without her I don't know where I would be. She didn't have any kids of her own, but she is like my mother. She took the place of my mom. She was there for proms, birthdays, holidays, and the birth of my son. My aunt is actually the backbone to our family. She keeps us all together. I've done things as a minor seeking for attention, with the lack of knowledge I have now. I can remember back in school we would make Mother's Day cards for our parents. I used to be upset with the teachers because they knew my mom was deceased. My friends didn't know how much it hurt me to see them with their moms. I've always told my friends to appreciate their mother's while they are here because once they are gone.... THEY'RE GONE! I can't explain how it feels to not have any memories of the woman who carried me for 9 months. When I first got pregnant I was devastated, not at the fact that I was with child, but devastated knowing my mom wouldn't be there to help me throughout my pregnancy or when my son was born! My family hoped and prayed that God sent us a little girl so that we could name her after my mom. However god had other plans in store, he sent me a handsome baby boy. When I had my son I made a promise that I would always love and protect him, and show him the love that no one can show him but mommy. If it were possible to talk to my mom I would tell her how much I miss her and love her. My family always tell me I'm a spitting image of her, and they say I even smile and laugh like her. My mother will never be just another memory. I make sure my son knows her by showing him pictures and her obituary. It's bittersweet when we go to her gravesite, my son stands on top of her grave and dances like he knows exactly where he is.






My mommy is my everything. She's gone but never forgotten. I know she is proud of the young mother I am today.



2 comments :

  1. Awwww. I love it little cousin.
    # Rest in peace Auntie Mini����

    ReplyDelete
  2. Never forget your mom was a guardian angel watching over you, my sister, and my mom.... Unc Charlie

    ReplyDelete

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