The Fear of: A Soon To Be Divorce Single Mom

Monday, March 20, 2017

Written By: Felecia Causey
Model: Kayla King
(Kayla King is only a model for this post, she is not the character or affiliated with anyone in the story)

I knew when I married my high school sweetheart, that I would be a homemaker. After the birth of my 2nd child I had gained a lot of weight.  When my 3rd baby came, I just didn't find the time to workout, and eating healthy was out the door, because with three little ones, I grabbed and ate, what I could, when I could. My me time was when, everyone went to sleep, and I had the opportunity to read a good book.

I noticed the relationship was changing after five years into our marriage. My husband constantly went hunting or fishing after work or on the weekends. I tried not to complain because I chose the role to be a stay at home mom. I didn't get vacation or sick days. I was consumed 24/7 being a mother, a doctor, teacher, wife, maid, and much more.

I kept finding myself being unhappy, but my love for my kids made me question myself. I kept wondering was I crazy or being selfish. I made excuses for him, when he chose to go out with his friends or go hunting, or fishing, over a date night and family time.

I began to realize days, became months, and months became years. I was still feeling unhappy, lonely, and feeling unattractive. I started looking at reasons I had to endure or why I had to stay. I had nothing to fall back on, no source of income, and no confidence.

I finally decided to leave and file for a divorce, when I became aware of his affair with one of his friend's wife. He accidentally left his email up, when I was paying our bills online. The photos were disgusting. As I looked upon the screen, I realized this was the same woman who came into my home, held my kids, sat at my dining room table, and ate the food I cooked.

When I reached out to my parents, they happily allowed my kids, and myself to move in. I cried for weeks, and my family allowed me the time to grieve, After being with a person for almost 10 years, I thought I knew him. The person I thought was my best friend, my kids' father, and the person I spent all this time living with was a complete stranger.

The divorce will be final next week. With the stress I have encountered, I have lost a good amount of weight. I have registered at a local university for nursing, and I have a part-time job at my father's law-firm.

When I finally left, I felt like my whole life was over, and I had completely lost my identity. With prayer and fasting I finally became closer with God and I am happier. My husband didn't value my role as a wife or mother, and I didn't know my strength or worth. BUT I DO NOW!

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