I Couldn't Believe I Gave Birth and Lost My Son All At The Same Time

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Photography: Felecia Causey
Featuring: Shainese Mcclendon

My name is Shainese and I’m 24 years old. I want to share my story on how I lost my son. Everything started on my 20th birthday, when I went out to eat and shop with my family, when a sudden pain hit me. I decided to go lay down at my cousin's house and sleep it off. When I woke up I was still having very bad pains. I rushed to the restroom, where I threw up every where. I was in so much pain, I collapsed on the floor and yelled for help. My cousin rushed me to the ER, where I was admitted by my doctor. He later informed me that I had pre-eclampsia, and was told I would have to be rushed to Birmingham, AL. The first week I was there they told me, that I would have to deliver him early due to my high blood pressure. I was afraid because they couldn't get it down. I was also scared I was going to lose, the only person that would love me no matter what. As the week went by, everything was fine. 

After two weeks, on a Sunday, many doctors and nurses, kept coming in and out without saying a word. They kept bringing in many different machines.

They finally told me my baby was gone. It broke my heart! I thought it was all a dream, and it felt so unreal. I wanted to question God, but I know He doesn't make mistakes.

I gave birth to my baby at 11 P.M. on November 17,2013. I couldn’t believe I just had a baby and lost him all at the same time.

They cleaned him off , took his pictures, and I then got the opportunity to say my last goodbyes. I just couldn’t stop looking, kissing, and touching him.

I wasn't sure if I was going to have a service or have him cremated, due to financial problems.

 I had to stay in the hospital for three days. One night I went to sleep and I woke up because I couldn’t breathe and was sweating really bad. I looked over to my mom and she experienced the same exact thing. We felt like it was a sign. I told my mama I do not want to leave my baby up here. I also told her I didn't care, what we had to do, I want edto take him home to be buried.

I realized the only thing I would be leaving with was the teddy bear and shirt he had on, that was given to me. I kept the bear close, and it made me felt like it was him.

After we buried him, there wasn't a day, I didn't think about him. I thought I was going to loose it, but if it wasn’t for my mother being there for me through the whole thing, I don't think I would be who I am today .

Many people thought I had lost my mind or wouldn’t over come it, but I did. I still think about it everyday and will never forget the day I lost him. I visit his grave, when I can, and I celebrate his birthday every year. He would’ve been 4 years old. I constantly look at his photos, and I am sometime afraid to even have another child. I pray and try not to think about it so much. Hopefully, God will bless me with a healthy baby one day. I want my son to know that I love him and miss him daily.

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