God Made Me Strong In Ways I Never Knew I Could Be

Friday, March 27, 2020

Photography By: Felecia Causey My name is Christian Long, I’m 24 years old, born November 3rd in 1995. I’m from Millbrook Alabama. I’ve worked as a Liberian at the Millbrook Public Library for two years and four months now. I found out I was pregnant on July 9th,2019 that changed my entire life! I was really in shock so I laid down and took a nap and when I woke up I took another pregnancy test that was also positive. I was so happy but so unsure at the same time so the next day my best friend who was also pregnant took me to the Wetumpka Pregnancy center where I received another test and certificate congratulating me. After I talked to those women they made me feel so much better about everything and I was really looking forward to meeting my baby. I was sick my entire pregnancy I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water and I lost 10 pounds but when I found out it was a boy I was just so overjoyed and happy because I know how much little boys love their mommy’s. Well December 21st changed my entire world. I had been having pain two days prior and thinking it was Braxton hicks. This being my first pregnancy I had no idea how they felt but I was told it was just like giving birth. So I asked myself how do I know if this pain is just unbearable to me since people have pain tolerances of different levels. That night I went to bed with the intentions of going to the hospital the next day after work if it didn’t ease up. The morning of December 21st I came to work still in pain and going back and forth to the bathroom. The last time I went into the bathroom I had a fairly large amount of blood in my underwear. I immediately came out and called my boss and told her what happened and told my coworker I had to go. I rushed to Jackson hospital because they were the closest hospital. I went in where you register at and told the girl at the front desk I’m pregnant and bleeding. She handed me a piece of paper and told me to write how many weeks I was and my drs name and have a seat. So at this point I’m freaking out because I have on a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants will blood all over me and she tells me to sit down and me and my baby father waited for about 10-15 minutes before anyone ever came and got me. Finally, the lady asked me why I came in and I looked down at all the blood on my clothes and said I’m pregnant and then the sense of urgency kicked in. they take me back and hook me up on a lot of machines and then I find out my dr is out of town and I had to see his partner. He came in and checked me and told us he wasn’t hearing a heartbeat but he would get the ultrasound specialist in there to check. They came in and confirmed that I had loss my baby due to there not being any fluid in my sack. It was the most devastating thing to ever happen to me and I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
I have hurt every single day since and it does not seem that it will ever go away. I have a random outburst of tears. I’m happy for everyone else who successfully delivered but at times I feel robbed. It hurts so much but I do find comfort in knowing that I have my own personal angel who loves me unconditionally and his mommy loves him to! I believe in God and I know there is nothing he would give me that I could not handle. He has made me strong in ways I never knew I could be. Opened my eyes to be able to see the bigger picture. I am grateful, I am thankful, and I am blessed!

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